1 Year

I boarded a flight to Tokyo on 24th of Feb last year, not knowing when I would fly back home. I arrived the next morning at Narita airport, where it had just snowed the night before.

When I first arrived, I had a place to stay but not my own. I was homesick and was hanging on to friends whom I thought were my friends. I had many things that I had to do.....so that I could settle down in a new country.

A year later, I'm staying in an apartment that I have found for myself. I had bought all of my furniture. I paid for the rent, electric, internet, water and gas bills. I have my trusty bike to bring me around. I have half a closet filled with new clothes. I have new friends and lost friends who really weren't real friends to begin with.

The first few months were tough and I was crying myself to sleep almost every night. Looking back on my struggles one year on now......they don't seem so big anymore. Maybe it's because I've finally let go and am in a happier place now.

Looking back, I have a lot to be proud of and truth to be told, I'm glad for all the help that I had received and never gotten, for it had helped me grow.

I'm proud that I have managed to get my own apartment even though I went through the Japanese way and paid a whole lot of money. 

I'm glad that I didn't have a friend to help me with internet which led me to do it myself online and while I paid a lot of money up front for the device (about 22,000 yen more than what most people paid), I did not have any problem with my device compared to my other 2 colleagues who got the same one.

I'm happy that all the furniture that I've bought are good purchases and I did not regret any of them. I did put in a lot of research into each of them before I bought them.

I'm thankful for people who made me realise that I'm better without them in my life because without them, I would not have made new friends and widen my circle of friends as much as I would have.

I'm also thankful that I didn't have any one that I could keep going back to for help, for it really pushed me to try and get my own credit card. I have failed soooo many times before finally getting this one. I almost gave up myself until a friend told me that I should not be defeated before even trying.

I guess when you are alone in a foreign country and have no one to depend on, it really pushes you to grow and learn new things by yourself.

Meanwhile, I do have some regrets which I think happened for a reason because it just wasn't right.

I regret for asking for so much and not accepting the job offer for a research position at this company that researches on compounds that I have worked with before. At that time, I was focused on earning back the money that I had invested in moving here. I thought that what they were offering me was a little low and because it was so far, I would have to move, which means I would lose all the money I've paid for this place and have to spend more money to move. I was also afraid of being alone because if I have moved, I would lose my friends and had to start all over again. Thinking back now, at that time, I was only thinking about the present, I didn't think that in the long run, that job would have benefited me more. 

Well, it's not like I could turn back time. I hope that in the future, that decision of mine will no longer be a regret and I could find a reason to prove that it was a right decision all along.

For my second year here, I want to just focus on myself. To build on my skills, strengths, emotional well-being, friendships....I want to pass N1, improve on my cooking skills, get healthy and build my career. This year, I will not be strayed into other petty things that depends on external factors other than myself.